When I started planning this blog, I had a great vision. I wanted it to be a simple collection of thoughts, a vision into my world. I was excited about the possibilities that were just around the corner. Then a pandemic happened. Today, I find myself lost, isolated, heartbroken.
Life has at times found a way to make me laugh, make me cry, and make me curl up and want to say Goodbye…I have spent the past year taking precautions, protecting the ones that I love, working hard to finish my Master’s Degree, and polishing my first novel. I even purchased my cover, and I am in love with it…
One would think that this year has been productive, and that I would be satisfied, but it wasn’t. I made plans and the universe laughed at me. I celebrated as one of my critique partners finally published her first book, part of our series, and then her second book. I was and still am super proud of her and the work she has put in this year to meet her goals.
This past year has at times lifted me up, tore me down, and broken my heart. Just when I saw the light at the end of the long tunnel, I realized it was a train, barreling at me full steam. My world was about to be knocked off its axis. Are we ever really ready when that moment happens?
I wasn’t.
Sun rises in the East, and sets to the West, which confirms the earth is still spinning. My heart still beats, but my chest aches. 5, 196 days ago my world flipped upside down. My heart turned cold, and I didn’t think I would breathe again. The rock that helped me survive, that kept me grounded in the here and the now, that rock left me 82 days ago. Fourteen years (to the day) apart, the two people I don’t know how to live without left me behind.
My heart still beats… I am still here… without you.
Fractured Muse 
Leave a comment